Light Bulb Vent

Self love is a realization... Until that is birthed one cannot realize the gifts they possess. -M. J. Stephens 

Have you ever shied away from following your dreams because you fear that you aren't good enough? 

Being neglected by my parents caused me to have what some may call an inferiority complex. At times, I feel like I'm not good enough to be loved because I wasn't even good enough for my own mother and father to love me. 
Even worse, I compare myself to people who are doing some of the same things that I want to do, and I down myself based on their achievements. 

As I reflect, I want to blame my lack of confidence on my mom, for never being there to encourage me with a simple, You can do it! You're smart, beautiful, and gifted! She was never there to say any of that. So for years, I went through life seeking the validation that I didn't get from home and the love that I never felt from my father... Only to find that there is no outside source, whether it be a materialistic thing or a person, that has ever been created to fill emotional voids. Even though I can recall having felt temporary pleasure or satisfaction, I still never felt good enough, until I learned to love myself

When I started my blog, I decided to just do it for me. It was really just my personal venting tool. Occasionally, I would send my posts to my closest friends but I really didn't want to go hard with promoting it... honestly, because I was afraid of failure. I didn't think anyone would care, didn't think my posts would get enough likes, and I was truly afraid that I just wasn't good enough. 

Not to go on too much of a tangent, but this is what made me hate and stray away from social networks. As vast as they are and as much as we have the ability to embrace the diversity of individuals from international cultures, we still end up basing our worth on the person whose posts gets more or less likes than ours.

But then I thought, how will I ever grow if all I do is focus on what I don't have? How will I know how great my potential is, if I am only trying to be greater than him or her? 

Light bulb! After writing those questions, I realized what I was saying about myself by not publically expanding and exposing my writing to the world. I was knocking myself before anyone else could. My parents didn't put that fear and doubt in my head, my own insecurities did. 

I was allowing negative thoughts to get the best of me. I failed before I really even gave it a try; instead of looking myself in the mirror and saying, let your ability to take risks outweigh your fears.

Still torn, I decided to consult a close friend, whom to my surprise, went so far as so say, not spreading your words is selfish... God gave you a gift to share, not hoard. 

So I took that advice and began telling more and more people about my blog. Before I knew it, I was recieving positive affirmations via texts, emails, social networks, and even comments on the blog itself! I couldn't believe it! People were actually reading my words and feeling inspired. 

I never would've guessed that the act of sharing my posts would inevitably foster a genuine moment of growth for me. Sometimes it takes a stranger to see something in us, that we are too disillusioned to see for ourselves. But we will always, always be blinded by our insecurities, fears, and doubts if we do not believe in ourselves enough to ignore our anxieties and take a chance doing what we love, no matter who likes it or not. 

Show others how to love you by loving yourself first. Show others how to believe in you by believing in yourself first.