Be More Selfish
My emotions were anchored by my pen and paper, instead of my social network outlets and blog posts this week. Very refreshing, just to say the least.
Even though I was quite busy teaching by day and grading essays, doing my grad work, losing one of my favorite rings (the one I wear on my wedding finger.. I guess this means I need to make room for an engagement ring), rushing my yorkie to the ER, and experiencing that empty feeling that I'm ninety-seven percent sure forms inside of all of the 'single' twenty, thirty, or even forty something year old women who open a wedding invitation that doesn't have a plus one... (it's like the couple just knows you won't have a man by the time the wedding day comes... I know, I know.. It's more so about paying for people to eat than it is about me being single but still...) Good news is: the feeling quickly fleeted because the next day, I met a new guy.. Yeaaa... I likes. You'll hear about him at some point.
But honestly, I loved the silence of the week. Being selfishly-unbothered gave me the sweetest satisfaction. I was reminded of the beauty of silence... And was able to create so much enthusiasm, just by listening to myself think. I missed myself. You never realize how desperately your mind, body, and soul needs something until you get it (or lose it). Well, this week, I am ever so grateful that I got exactly what I desperately needed: me time. Even though it was still work-time... I made sure that whether it was 5:45 in the morning or 6:30 at night, I took the time to do something that allowed me to refill myself .
Writing my prayers at night
Discovering new music to love
Reading for at least an hour or more
Taking a long drive without my gps
I truly enjoyed each of these experiences this week. Especially getting lost in "The Wire" with out my gps. I had no idea where I was and my phone would not connect to the gps service (leave it to Sprint) but I relied on my instincts to tell me where to turn. I listened to my heart and found my way home. I was so proud of myself and I realized that what I have been preaching to my students all year long is really true: Everything you will ever need in life is already within you.
So that's another reason to be selfish sometimes and spend time with yourself. You'll never be able to discover who you are and all of the little things that make you-you, if you never give your self an adequate amount of time and space to explore. You really have to have the courage to get lost, so that you may truly find yourself.