"Always remember, not to be selfish. The pathway to receiving is to give." Bettye Perkins
Shannell inspired me to take a break in the middle of the week. It's funny because Geoff and I were just talking about feeling antsy about being in our seventh year of teaching, needing a sabbatical but not wanting to take one because we're too deeply invested in sewing seeds into our students..
It was really a vent about needing a break. Personally, I've been feeling flustered. I mean not that I am complaining but ever since I got a man, my schedule has been even more hectic than before.
I'm working in school with my babies, outside of school with my Hopkins coursework, my PHD fellowship research, Blossoms, PYNK, and Tay (can't forget Tay) ... And now I've added the job of being a future wife to my list of to-do's. Seriously, I write, "Tell Bae how much you love him..." in my planner!
Again, I'm not complaining. I love my life and I love the companionship that I share with my Ken'g. But honestly, I really need a break.
So, I decided to take one. I literally looked myself in the mirror and said, "I'm fired. For the next couple of hours, I am newly-unemployed and carefree."
Most refreshing feeling ever. Now I see how Nikki and Joy must feel. They always say, "Don't wait for Saturday and Sunday to live.." ..so I fired myself from everything, and I took a micro-break.
First, I cleaned the house.. (I can't relax in a messy house) Then, I put a pot of roast on the stove, just like my grand taught me to do on week nights when you don't feel like cooking. Ran a hot bubble bath with my oils that I bargained for with the street vender in Cairo a couple of Spring breaks ago. Played Jhene's latest, the Souled Out album. (I wonder if she knew this album would make us feel completely in soul form.. Like literally, floating amongst the stars, laying on black sand, and making sinfully-lustful eye contact with the stars. That's how Spotless Mind makes me feel.) Anyways.. I placed three strawberry-vanilla candles in the corner of the tub, and slowly dipped my fresh-red-apple painted toes, into my aromatic bath water. Once my body hit the bottom of the floor, I felt my entire spirit lift.
I'm supposed to be here. Laying, writing memoirs.. love notes.. and poetry like this:
On the day that I become
Your future son's mother
I'll be able to relate to
All of the mothers on instagram
Its the visual bliss of motherhood
I need you to challenge me
to rise in the morning.
The earlier I rise,
The higher I am to the Sky.
Songs that remind me of
You ...you take the 3 hour ride
On the back of the pissy China bus
Faithfully here for me
For it is on a daily
That we melt and reform a solid like ice
Aries and Gem
Fire and Air
Sunsets in vivid purples and shades of pynkz that I've never fathomed
I'm in an unconscious state
With eyes wide open
I'm always thinking of passionate Krimson kisses
With eyes glued shut
I'm a wanderer
Unaware of my whereabouts
Sleep walking when we hold hands
Don't wake me up
Visions of your smile
Blindfolded, not looking ahead but letting the moment guide my steps
Eyes tight shut when we
Hold hands and pray
"I'm not even gonna lie,
I wouldn't mind if we just lie
Together til the end of time
If that is fine with you,
It's fine with me.
I've been wrong before
but this time I'm forsure
But it's on you." - Jhene
And you know that..
Maybe I'm crazy .. Maybe we are both insane for believing in the law of attraction. We understand that as long as you have a passion for what you want, you will maintain and continuously gain more and more of what you want.
That might not even make any sense to anyone but us.
Just caught myself.. Why am I writing a love letter to him when I'm supposed to be writing about my feelings about relaxing on a weekday? I guess that's how I know this is real. He's my mental relaxation.. That's really the only explanation of how my mind naturally drifted to him. He's my newfound place of peace.
Damn, I'm happy.
I checked my messages from the girls and saw a text from one of my little sisters from back home. She lives in the DMV now too. I'm so proud of her. We had similar backgrounds growing up. She told me she needed some furniture and saw my ad on Facebook. She asked me how much everything was. I told her that she could have anything she needed, for free. So many people poured into my life when I needed them.. And it wasn't always financially on their part, people gave me real gifts, from their hearts, that I could use. How could I not do the same for her?
And then I started thinking about everything that I am selling.. Why am I selling these things? Granted some were quite expensive, but quite a few of these things were amazing gifts that I got for free. So, I think I should do a give-a-way, instead of a moving-sale. The Bible says that we will be so blessed that we can afford to freely give things away.. I have been beyond blessed. I have to give these things away! It's only right.
I'm excited about this! The first person that I have to call is the young lady from Brooklyn who came by to purchase one of the furs today. She's a mother of a 1 year old son. She deserves that fur and so much more.
I'm so glad I took this break. Might be a new Wednesday night ritual.