Dear Professor Life
Got slammed with another major financial burden today. So unexpected. But I couldn't let it stress me. I literally told myself: Problems come and go. Handle things with grace. I've been repeating those 4 words over and over to myself.
Been up since 2:30. Only had a few hours of sleep. So much on my mind. I got up and started trying to knock a few things out, until my MacBook died. So now, I'm just laying here, in my thoughts.
It's these dark and quiet moments, when my thoughts and issues and duties begin feeling like they may overcome me, that I usually fall into an anxiety attack or depression... but not this time. This time, I'm learning to be still. I can't stress things. No literally, I just can't. I am too busy putting my mental energy into practicing the skill of believing that everything will work together for the greater good of me. In other words, I'm not stressing the frivolous nonsense, I'm refocusing my thoughts on the bigger picture and believing in the visualization that I see. I see nothing but the promise of possibilities, progress, and prosperity.
Today, Marika reminded me that life is made of peaks and valleys. I'm feeling like I'm in a valley but I'm okay with that. I'm learning to appreciate the lows.
It's not like it's a permenant spot. Life isnt just knocking me out and leaving me to perish here. What's happening is that Life is teaching me. Providing me with explicit, direct instruction lessons on how to be a responsible woman. Professor Life is forcing me to use the process of elimination to rid myself of the sometimes immature and ever-procrastinating, young-minded, 28-year old girl that I have been for far too long. What's mind blowing though, is the fact that I have to appreciate this process because I asked for it. I can go all the way back and read old reflections and see where I told myself to stop procrastinating and be more considerate and be responsible and pay close attention to details. The thing is, I just couldn't shake my bad habits on my own. Life, my greatest teacher, knew this and figured out a way to put me in a place where I would have no choice but to learn, grow, and be better. Not just better but stronger and wiser.
I really, really appreciate it all.