I will tell anyone who reads my writing, thank you - but it's important to me, that you remember my purpose: This is my therapy. My own form of self-healing. This is not my way of getting rich quick or gaining popularity. It is my way of processing things. This is my way of recalling my heart's cries and identifying the roots of my despair. This is my way of celebrating my accomplishments, big or small. This is my way of praising and listing things that I am humbled by and grateful for. This is my way of meditating, in front of readers who may need the same direction as I. This is my place of rhetoric on topics that cloud my mind. This is my garden, I welcome nothing but growth.
I am writing this vent as a reminder to myself and my readers. Everyone needs a vice. I don't drink to wash my depression away, I write. I kept this reflective practice to myself for a while but when you are a child of the Most High, you learn that your gifts are not just for you. You learn that your gifts were given to you so that they may heal others. Make no mistake, you yourself are not healing others, the display of the joy that is conveyed when you share your gifts is what motivates, inspires, and uplifts others. Romans 11:29 says, "For God's gifts and his call are irrevocable." To me this means, whatever we were put on this Earth to give will be in us whether we recognize, share, and hone that gift or not. You don't have to use what you've been given but just know it's there, somewhere inside of you, waiting to be released. And if you're anything like me, and you don't use your gift, it will mentally eat away at your spirit and break you down until you have no choice but to seek help from within. You'll find that no one's advice helps. You may even start to fall back from people you love. You lose the desire to do the things that once gave you reasons to smile. You'll find yourself lost and beaten down, frustrated that not one single soul can pick you back up. All because you didn't realize (or you forgot) that the only one who can save you, is already within you. "Greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the world." He is your gift. I, for one, had been "told" this mantra of a scripture throughout my entire life but me, being the stubborn listener that I am at times, had to "learn" it the hard way. (There's a difference between being taught by someone and learning for yourself.) What I learned was that when we align ourselves with our true purposes, when we seek self for self, when we accept-love-cherish who we are, our desires begin to manifest and flourish. On the contrary, however, when we ignore our celestial inherited assignments, we perish - physically and/or mentally - depending on who you are of course.
When I was depressed, I lost sight of my calling. I fought my inner voice. I did not take the time to write my thoughts and let my pen be a vessel to deliver the divine messages of clarity that lived within me. The moment that I opened my journal, my books, and my ears back up, was the moment I rediscover my joy.
I guess I should conclude here by restating the themes of this piece: Live in your purpose, seek answers from within, etc... But I won't. I am going to end with the confidence and delicious satisfaction that you have received whatever this message was supposed to give... because that was His purpose.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to spread the word and the joy that He has given to me.