Old Enough


Someone asked me how old I was yesterday, after she learned that I have been teaching for almost 8 years. She literally said, 

"You've been teaching for 8 years?! Oh you're a grown woman! How old are you?" 

I'm like, "I actually don't tell people my age but I'm old enough to have been teaching for this long." 

It was my first time trying that out. You know, like they say in the movies, "a lady never tells her age." I really liked how I felt after saying it. So empowering. And it's what I will say from now on when questioned. 

People don't understand my plight. Everyone has their issues with self-image, including me. I used to hate my body and my face. I hated looking so young. Not having the "grown woman" body that my peers have made me very insecure, especially with men. I tried to dress more sophisticated and always kept my hair straightened, in an attempt to look more mature. 

Not sure when it occurred but I woke up one day this summer and realized that this is who I am. I am petite. I have a youthful face. And it's actually a blessing to be this old and look this young. 

I hope to look like this forever! I don't drink. I don't smoke. I really love water with lemons and my martinelli's apple juice on the weekend. I wash my face with clean and clear neutrogena products. But none of that matters. It's really all about keeping my spirit nourished. Beauty lies within and youthfulness is a state of mind that comes with peace and freedom. I want all of that for the rest of my days. 

I even started working out - a thing that I used to shy away from because I was afraid of becoming too small. But now, I just want to be healthy. 

At this point, my attention and focus is more geared toward correcting my demeanor and less about enhancing my looks. I have to be mindful of the way I carry myself. I have to talk like a grown woman. What does that even mean? I really don't know sometimes.  Really just figuring it out as I go. I know the difference because of the responses that I get from others based on the energy I give them. When I handled it like an adult, I'm respected like one, despite my physical stature. 

So yea man, finally, I am content with my appearance and I will rock my favorite Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and LL Bean chambray oxford every day for the rest of my life if I can!

(But of course I can't - I love getting professional-fly for the runway that is my classroom wayyy too much!)


Comments

  1. Thank you for this post Val!! Like you, I have been struggling with my age and my body image. It used to bother me when people would card me, ask my age or even assume my age. I wore weave because it made me look older, I purchased makeup to give me a boost, but this past summer, like you I said F it, I am a grown woman in my own right! I have embraced my slim (not skinny) body and my baby face. I thank God that I am approaching 29 and still have this baby face. I am aging gracefully.

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