via Instagram 10.15.15


someone asked me if i am bipolar today. No, i am not bipolar. i have what's called, mood disorder. it's in the severe-depression family but it's not the same as being bipolar. I don't have multiple personalities. Instead, I experience really high highs and the darkest of lows. They can happen within minutes, days, weeks.. Just depends. I don't experience manic episodes but certain things trigger my lows and when I am in the darkness, if I don't reach out for help, it's often quite difficult to see my way out. Most times, I don't even see the low moods coming but when they do, I try to reflect on what caused it. Once I figure that out, I learn more about myself as a woman. It's an interesting process of growth. But no matter the titles, living with a mental illness is scary as hell sometimes. it can cause you to lose yourself if you don't get help. I write about my sanity, for one because it keeps me sane, and two to inspire others to know: you are not alone. living with this label is all so new to me... and mind you, i am still a teacher with students who need me just as much as I need them. I'm not coping with my MD I am learning how I CREATE with it, how to channel a greater energy than ever before, and finding new ways to project my Light. as people of color, we are taught to cover these things because they are ugly and unwanted. We get addicted to drugs alcohol clothes people - but that only perpetuate the longevity of these demons not only in ourselves but in the generations to come. If you're reading this and can relate, im asking you to be honest with yourself and get help. My best friends can tell you, it ain't always easy for them to watch me suffer but it's harder for them and me when I try to do it alone ... but it's not always suffering - those highs are the exact reason why I don't need liquor or weed - it's amazing when I'm up. I have tears in my eyes as I post this without even proof reading because I am following my heart in posting this. Dear reader, you are not alone. You are loved. Reflect on your triggers and get back to your high place. It's beautiful up here. It's crazy beautiful. Just like you.

Comments

  1. I've been battling depression for 8 years. I feel like life is passing me back and I can't seem to get better!:( Thank you for writing this.

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