8 Rules I Learned After Experiencing the Trauma of Heart Break

The following video is comprised of clips from F.L.A.W.E.D.'s Pop-Up Gratitude Panel at La Maison D' Art in Harlem, New York. 

Rule Number 8: Trust your spirit.

There are lessons that we are supposed to learn when we find our mind constantly drifting to an experience that we'd much rather forget. Don't beat yourself up for dwelling. Don’t run from your pain. Push through and allow yourself to hear the moral of your story. Nothing happened by chance; in that moral lies the wisdom that you were supposed to gain from the situation. 

Rule Number 7: Set boundaries but do not mistake ignoring someone for the same thing as forgiving them.

A wise woman once told me, "If you don't have to block them anymore, you know you've forgiven them." Investing time in holding grudges and avoiding a person does not aid in the process of forgiveness; it prolongs your despair. There is strength waiting to be garnered on the other side of that grudge, once you discover it, feel free to set your boundary so that you may protect your peace.  

Rule Number 6: Be careful not to mistake intuition and discernment for fear.

Intuition is the ability to know something without even fully knowing it. Discernment is the ability to judge what is best for you. Together, intuition and discernment may show us things about ourselves or other people that we may not be ready to see. Both are so powerful, they scare us! We have to trust the visions, dreams, premonitions, and voices. They are not in vain.

Rule Number 5: Love yourself first. 

When you come from a broken home, when the people who are "supposed to love you" don't, you find yourself making desperate decisions, just to feel loved. Desperate is a strong word but it's accurate. After waiting for what feels like foreverrrrr to be in a relationship (especially if everyone around you is appearing to be happy in theirs) we tend to get antsy and lose our courage, strength, and patience to wait for the love we deserve. The problem is, because we never had love, we falsely believe that we don't deserve it - so we take what we can get. 

The notion of not deserving love or the idea that you cannot be loved is a form of self-hatred. Self-hatred can be disguised under make-up and nice clothes but it is not inconspicuous in the eyes of someone who attempts to love you for you. They will see that you don't love yourself and most often, take advantage of that. 

We all go through periods of life when we feel unworthy. To avoid that, I started writing these daily affirmations:

I love myself. 

I am loved.

I deserve love.

I give love. 

I am love. 

Rule Number 4: Beware - the heart can deceive you. 

When making decisions, it's important that we practice mindfully aligning our heart with our spirit and our mind. 

Heart - decides with love 

Spirit - decides according to what intuitively feels right 

Mind - decides based on logic and reason 

Being mindful of alignment when making decisions is like using a checklist. We do this everyday without even trying. However, with love, we often let our hearts take the lead. Our spirit is muted and mind is blinded. It's important that we stop, reflect, and remain completely true to our selves in love. Otherwise, we are going to find ourselves unhappy, confused, depressed, and lonelier than ever - even if we are in a relationship.

Rule Number 3: All chains must be broken before you can be free. 

Remember, you are not only doing this for yourself, you are doing this for future generations. Breaking mental chains is enervating. It's something that most of us find easier to avoid than to conquer. Fortunately for you and your future children, you aren't avoiding it. You are fighting for your breakthrough. 

What has made this process a lot less arduous for me is accepting the fact that I am chosen to be the one to do this work. Sometimes, the chosen must journey alone. I can't give up, neither can you. 

Rule Number 2: Don't compare yourself to anyone, not even to yourself. 

What I've found over the last few months is that even after I stopped comparing myself to others, I began to compare myself to the woman I used to be and the woman that I have yet to become. Guess what happened as a result? Depression, regret, lack of confidence... But it was when I began to engage in meditation and practicing the art of being present and grateful for who I am today, 
where I am today, 
and what I am today
 that I found myself feeling way, way better - inside and out. 

Affirmation: 

There is no old me; the woman I am now is the woman I am supposed to be. 

There is no new me, I am who I am. 

I do not have to live up to any expectations.

Who I am going to become is who I already am. 

Rule Number 1: You are number one. 

Be a better you. 
Now, I know I just said not to compare yourself to yourself but when I say be a better you, I mean, pinpoint what you don't love about yourself and dedicate time, space, and daily routines to improving each targeted area. 

Work out more, meditate more, rest more, read more, smile more, walk alone more, eat healthier, and treat yourself like you are number one - because you are number one.