January 14th, 2016
i hated, i mean utterly abhorred being light skinned (or "light-skin-did" if you have southern roots like me) when i was a child because all of the elders in my family could not stand light skinned people. it wasn't my fault that i am half dominican. but it didn't matter how my face became this fair, they simply did not see me as one of them.. to be light skinned was to be conceded, stuck up, lazy... "you gon' be one of them dirty yella' heifas that keep a nasty house..." at only 7 years old, i was naive and did not yet know that complexion was a major separation factor amongst them and their classmates during Jim Crow-North Carolina... had no idea what they went through in school with their own Black teachers, who essentially instilled in them, the very theories they forced upon me. i would spend eons under the sun every summer, trying my hardest to get darker. i wanted to fit in so badddd.. i just wanted to be accepted. i eventually learned to accept myself for who i am but even outside of my house, people would say i wasn't Black enough because of my skin or that i knew nothing of the struggle because we light skin folk have it "easier" ... if you ask me how i overcame it all, the simplest answer is by self-educating myself... reading more and realizing that in the face of the oppressor, none of us was/is better than the other. to them, all n'ggas are n'ggas. none of us had it easier or worse - going all the way back to slavery: our light skinned enslaved ancestors were treated just as f'ed up as those with dark skin. the white women, in particular, were the main culprits of torturing those with lighter skin because they were overt products of their husband's infidelity with dark skinned enslaved, raped, and abused women. but even with my knowledge and self-love, i still hesitate, to this day, to post selfies... i still worry about perception and don't want to be mistaken for being vain.. i am much more comfortable with posting books than my looks... but tonight, i feel beautiful... maybe it's my new lip color (sephora 5236f) i really don't know but here i am.. little old indiana jones, with an essay-caption and all... goodnight... love, love.