10:33


How the hell did I find myself here? My face is drenched in tears. They burn my pores. My cheeks are disappointed in me for throwing this salt back on them. They had finally begun to heal. I avoided opening that message for days. But tonight, I responded. When I first saw it, I swear my heart stopped. All it takes is your first initial. It brings me to emotional levels that I can't hide from and so I let the message sit and sit and sit and I knew I should've stopped reading this book of break up poems. Something told me I'd had enough for one day. But it was so good so relatable that I couldn't put it down and then that one that bipolar ass one about being strong so strong and knowing and accepting and being grateful for the process for many days but then that moment of imagining what it would be like if sh't never ended if we grew together instead of apart, that one. those words. exploded and now look at me. scream-crying. 

i still love you.
it's so messed up.  

am i still running? 
i hate this.
but i wish i could substitute this for you. 
i don't mean that though.


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