Showing posts from June, 2016

Summer '16

I am proud of the woman I have grown to become. Since the start of this season, I have been seeing and feeling the truth. Much of it hurts like a needle. A quick pinch that doesn't last or leave a bruise. Concealable truths, that I once hid from my own fear of being unloved. I thought, if I were to let those fears face those truths, my entire life would end. But I have found my theory to be far off. In fact, the meeting of my truths and my fears has lead to the ultimate realization that I am alone in the world, never alone in Spirit, but in the world. Years ago, I would have wanted to kill myself at the realization that I have no one. No friends. No one to understand me. Validate me. No man to share time and space with me. I would have run from the voices that say, this is how it will always be. I would've tried to mute them by drowning myself. But today, though those notions do not bring me an idyllic bliss, they also do not cause me to plummet into a great darkness. Maybe I …

end of poem.


One for Me

Drowning in unhappiness but no one sees any of that they all see the image of me that they want too see, and that's a fact The smile that I sometimes fake, the laugh that I sometimes force Trying to be well put together, because I'm their outlet or their source See often times I'm being strong, but it's  for someone else Not so often am I actually being strong, and its for myself I love the feeling of relief someone else receives, from the things that I write A answer to their problem, solution to their situation, that's the thing that I like Not sure if right now unhappy, is the most accurate word to use I'm more so stuck, lost, unsure, and a bit confused Understand that I'm very happy with who I am, and who I'm learning to become Yet at the same time I'm unhappy with where I am, and the feeling of being outdone It's not like I'm in actual competition, with anyone else In my head it seems as if the only competition, I have is with myself Seeking to know …

Me Just Wants to Breathe

Too many people throw the term depression around like its that light to carry.  It's not the same as grieving.  Grieving ends.  Depression doesn't stop. It allows you to experience highs but it doesn't leave you.  It follows you. It's your shadow.  You have to constantly work at staying ahead of it. You can't let it lead.  This is why I mediate so much. I stay to myself because I don't trust anybody.  I feel more comfortable venting in therapy because the people closest to me don't always see me for who I really am.  They see me for who they want me to be.  For who I was when they met me. I am many things but I am not the same person I was yesterday.   I love to exchange energies with moon children because they are the most understanding of my need to create in isolation.  I share my secrets with rain because it doesn't question my love for it based on my absence. It understands. It does the same inconsistent coming and going thing I do.  Doesn't make it right bu…

Break-Up Books, Re-Birth Silohs, and Other Instagram Posts

Tired of seeing these screen shots on my Instagram page. They were really what I needed in the moment and if I need them again, I'll just come back to this post for them. This is the beauty of having a site in which I can archive my thoughts. 

Other books that were added to the comments: The Mastery of Love  A Course in Gratitude  This is How You Lose Her 

These are absolutely my all time favorite tweets of life. Never have I ever been able to describe myself so accurately. I love these words. 
This enlightening DM between a beautiful stranger and I. 

This was a morning meditation. Although, I corrected myself where I said "always" -because sometimes acting on an emotional level is necessary to get us to be vulnerable enough to be freed. Freedom is the ultimate goal. 

We live in a world with way too much emphasis and expectations around the most disillusioned definitions of what it means to be friends. I'm not with it. We must retrain ourselves and begin to place value in th…

How to Use Sports in the Classroom

This morning, after meditating, I scrolled upon an amazing Instagram video of Lebron James dunking the basketball in last night's game. What struck me, however, was how only a few seconds before the dunk, he was crawling on the floor. There is so much symbolism in that. I have to use it with my students. My lesson will go as follows:

1. Analyze and paraphrase the following quotes: 
"Fall down 7 times, stand up 8." Japanese Proverb 
"Falling down is a part of life. Getting back up is living." 
"What defines us is how well we rise after falling." 
2. First, show the Labron James clip (credit @Complex). Then, show the same clip, with James crawling on the ground in slow motion. Do not explain the emphasis on the fall. This is for the students to grapple with. 
Step 3 could go many ways but I'm going to give you 1 of 2 prompts that I would use:
Prompt 1: After analyzing the quotes and the video clip, develop at least 2 critical questions to contribute to our…

Almost There...


Water Colors

this ain't for everybody. it's for me. i don't know why i feel good when i post my life in such filterless ways. its almost like standing at the edge of a cliff and screaming it out when i say it in writing, instead of calling one of my homegirls. feels refreshing but then it gets awkward if i allow y'all's whispers to get too loud. but momentarily, i have muted your thoughts about me and mine. i see essays in the form of water colored paintings about my queen mother. my mother. she doesn't want to be saved ... her highs are euphoria and i can't blame her for chasing them everyday.. maybe she gets closer to Spirit when she's high. she understands what many don't, that we don't need anything in this world. she has nothing. she lost it all and keeps losing, just to achieve that peak. chemical bliss. with no materials save for a lighter and glass. a beautifully selfish soul. yet she gave. gave life to 3. powerful number. i was number two. from her …

After a While

4am. june 1st. woke round midnight. my body remained still under the oscillating fan. i fantasized about the chi and what it would be like to ride down lake shore at this time of night. lifted my body after a while, never turning on the lights. used my sense of touch and memory to guide me to the bathroom. i had to pee. then i got thirsty. then i decided to read. needed some music to drown out the cars on the bridge. billie was already on the crosley. started and finished this book in a day. found myself in these pages. in my world, mirrors are made of paper, not glass. it's gemini season. summer is coming. grateful that it's not hard to wake in the mornings like it was in the depths of winter. starting in november cold leafless droughts make my body feel heavier than an oceans opening. it's hard to move. but i feel good now that the sky is on when i rise. but my low mood swings are not gone with the winter, they have shifted from morning to mid afternoon. i didn't rec…