My appreciation for music has been revived after a week without it. I walked down 144th and felt July's breeze on my bare back. My ears clawed at every beat, grabbing hold of the colors that vibrated through each tune. A subtle smile crossed my face, directed to the golden brown babies that walked toward me, then behind me. Do they know? Did they catch wind of what I have inside? What they have too? Have they discovered the secret that was kept from my mother?
Approaching the A on St. Nic, the fruit-stand-man's eyes followed my subtle smile all the way down the freshly repaired stairs until he couldn't see me anymore. Did he know?
Just missed the A but the C was right behind. Local. But slow motion is better than no motion. Aware of my body, after 7 days with me and only me, I felt the bend of my pelvis under my black high waisted denim pencil skirt as I rested it on the periwinkle plastic bench. Before I could peer out of the window in my usual meditative gaze, the Voice spoke through me. All I could do was type:
If I teach you nothing else ever, it's to always control the energy around you. Don't let anyone dictate the way you feel, react, and move. You want to remain at peace? Just be. No one has any power over you. The fickle sweetness that is you. The humble that is your potential. The dream that leads you to the rise of morning. You may not yet understand how a bunch of words that sound like nothing more than a theory can materialize into a tangible, yet, untouchable realness - but the key word is yet. Hold fast to yet until it becomes now. In the meantime: Take all the time you need to perfect the practice of controlling the energy. It takes work. If it were as easy as it sounds, the entire world would look and feel like a different planet all together. The first step is all I can give you right now, all you have to do is affirm what I am saying in what you say. Adamant repetitions of, "I am in control." As long as you know this, you will always be able to control, bend, remove, create, and conjure all energy, no matter what circumstance presents itself. This does not mean you have to manage and take charge of every situation. It is actually quite the contrary: Go with the flow. Follow the sun and the mimic the waves. Wax and wan with the moon. Let the wind sweep you up in its force. Close your eyes and let the darkness become your protection. Blow air into balloons, don't wait for a reason to celebrate. Daily, talk to yourself, about yourself. Every night, rest by doing absolutely nothing at all for at least 3 minutes. Still your mind. You have power, not the kind of power you see in movies. This is a power in your ability to still the mind. You don't have to look for the power, but you have to learn how to use it. Practice. Make mistakes. Don't be afraid of correction. You'll fuck up, a whole lot. Trial and error. There's a science to it. But you don't have to be Einstein. Just be yourself. Just be.