I read too much. I read so much that I can't write anymore, even though I am writing now. It's not the kind of writing I want to do. I want to illustrate stories to make people cry and essays that drive people mad. I miss painting pictures with the hues of my words. But I read too much. And I've got more reading to do.
Laying on the end of my twin bed. Everything is white and filled with quills. Tranquil. Cherishing my peace as if it's all I have. Funny how I went from a twin to a queen and now back to a twin. It's cool, until ... Well, I don't write about beds, and me, and things like that. I'm a teacher.
Anyways. I dare not say I have writer's block. I'm just jaded. Every subject is already being talked about. Black people this, education reform that, feminism this.... I just want to say something else but it hasn't come to me yet.
And it has nothing to do with me publishing a book ... But maybe it does. Soundless Cries is doing really well but sometimes I feel like I should be doing more to promote it but then I remember that I am doing the most: teaching.
Balancing my students' needs with everything else is usually easy because I keep my projects aligned to one mission (serving the youth) but promoting that book on a nation-wide tour is just not physically possible right now and I guess I feel bad about it because I really had my heart set on it. I feel like I should be able to do it all right now. I'm single. No kids. But I feel like I'm in my own way. Like I failed myself. But there's nothing I can do. The book will have to continue to sell itself while I focus on my students. Only 4% of my incoming students scored proficient on the state tests. Now, I know that the test doesn't dipict the full abilities of these children but 4% ?! I have some real WORK to do! They are the priority, always and forever.
I miss teaching in Baltimore. New York City charter schools can be emotionally enervating. Hours are long and the requirements are demanding. The beginning of the school year is the most taxing time because there's so much preparing to do. During the rest of the year, the days will be easier and I will have enough energy to do other things with myself. But leaving school close to 9 every night leaves me falling right to sleep when I get home. I attempt to create but instead I knock out with all of my clothes on. Woe is me.
Blahhhh .. I ain't even talking about nothing. I shouldn't even post this but you know what, it's my site... No, this is not an essay but it's something.
I just needed to write something.