9 Evenings Ago

I can be super me 
Super vulnerable 
Disgustingly awkward 
With him

With everybody

But with him there's no cool
It's this little girl 
Who always wanted more than she was given 

And it's the breath of missing him
That may be why I can keep going

Moving on. 
I am. 
Cruise controlling. 
With no control of the wheel that sets my emotions on fire a fire that can only be put out with the rain of his voice 

Cruise control with no hands 
It's a slow ride though 
Along a long road 
Billboards display our memories 
But I don't need to see them in the physical 
They stuck with me
Not disposable 

The pain is gone 
I don't feel no burns no scars no open wounds
Now all my mind remembers is the love and I want it all to go away so I can be able to move on
Why haven't I met a new yet 
A best friend 
A n'gga just to laugh with any time we want

Is it because he's still living here 
Even though I'm not living in him

He says I'm one sided 
I'm not sure he even knows what I am 
Who I am 

Who am I 
Without him. 

Will I ever know?


  1. This! This right here. The feels I feel and the questions I ask myself.


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