9 Evenings Ago

I can be super me 

Super vulnerable 

Disgustingly awkward 

With him

With everybody

But with him there's no cool

It's this little girl 

Who always wanted more than she was given 

And it's the breath of missing him

That may be why I can keep going

Moving on. 

I am. 

Cruise controlling. 

With no control of the wheel that sets my emotions on fire a fire that can only be put out with the rain of his voice 

Cruise control with no hands 

It's a slow ride though 

Along a long road 

Billboards display our memories 

But I don't need to see them in the physical 

They stuck with me

Engrained 

Not disposable 

The pain is gone 

I don't feel no burns no scars no open wounds

No. 

Now all my mind remembers is the love and I want it all to go away so I can be able to move on

Why haven't I met a new yet 

A best friend 

A n'gga just to laugh with any time we want

Is it because he's still living here 

Even though I'm not living in him

He says I'm one sided 

I'm not sure he even knows what I am 

Who I am 

Who am I 

Without him. 

Will I ever know?