Love Resurrected Me


God will give you so much, you won't even know what to do with it! - Aunt Lorraine's words, of course. 

She's right. I'm in this luxurious loft like: Why do I have so much space? It's been so many years of only having one room, having my own living room and bedroom seems so useless. I tried to hang out in the living room but I just came back into my room and laid in my bed. I guess the living room is for guests ... I never have guests so it's kind of pointless. But it's nice to look at my couch and records and books in one place, I suppose. 

I was going to start my Etsy page again. I have all of these beautiful vintage pieces I know I can sell, but I've decided to take the easy way out and sell all of them to Hunting Ground, my favorite consignment shop. Anything they don't want, I'll drop off at Value Village on York. Having a vintage shop is not in my heart right now, it would just be an extra responsibility, taking up my creative space - mentally and physically - when all I want to focus on right now is teaching and learning. 

Being a minimalist in the eyes of my students is "weird" in their words. They already noticed I wear the same things everyday. They asked me about my closet and why all I wear is black, I told them, it's easier and I like easy. Hopefully, I can model how one can maintain their swag without having a million pairs of shoes and clothes that you don't even need or love. All you need to do is curate your key pieces and you're set. 

Anyways, I am enjoying my students and their candid questions and comments... All of the anxiety I was experiencing last week was just silly. I got right into my groove with all four of my classes, instantaneously feeling resurrected. 

I started my very first lesson off with the question: What is forbidden knowledge? We listened to Raury's, Forbidden Knowledge, annotated/discussed the lyrics, and identified the theme. Most of my classes felt the theme was, knowledge is power. 



I wasn't surprised by how deeply they were able to analyze the song's implicit metaphors because after all, G has been their Humanities teacher. I consider myself a younger, female version of him... Few have influenced my conscious level by giving me books and history that I never learned in school, G is definitely one of the few. I told the kids that he's my OG, one of my greatest teachers, and my big brother. I guess that's why I was so nervous about stepping into his shoes. But it was all in my head, this week was nothing short of life-giving!

The biggest challenge was the girls. They love him as much as I do. Me being a sassy, quick-talking, no excuse-taking, firecracker from New York was the last person they wanted to be a substitute for the most zen teacher they will ever have. But for every girl that give me rude remarks and extra attitude, I had enough patience, understanding, and love to give in return. I took my time with each of them, nipping their behavior in the bud either during the period, right after, or early the next morning. I always did it on a one-on-one basis, being careful not to embarrass them (although one of the girls cried when I asked her if the reason she kept talking while I was teaching was because I was boring her... I was sincerely asking... Didn't mean to make her cry.. But we're good now. She's actually one of my biggest successes this week. She changed her seat the next day without me prompting her to...) because I understand more than anyone: change is hard. I used to loathe change, until I learned to cope with it. I don't expect these girls to cope with losing their favorite teacher over night. Though I will be teaching his classes, I will never be able to replace him. All I can do is love them from my heart, in the way they need to be loved. 

By Friday, when we used our vocabulary words to do our free-write-reflections of the week, one of the girls that I had an issue with was eager to share her entry with me. I can't even lie, it made me cry on the spot. Love truly is all our children need. It's all I need as well. 






Comments

  1. The love you have for teaching and your students is truly reflected in your writing.

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  2. This is dope! She wrote it so well and was so honest with herself and you. She took time with herself to understand who she was, is and will be. And shout out to her clear hand-writing.. yasss

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