Safety over Sanity


I have never not warned myself. My intuition is always on point. At times I ignore it because my desires don't match the reality of my intuition's visions but even then, even when I hurt myself, I learn from myself. 

Nothing is to harm me. 

Lately, I've been listening to it. Lately, I've been paying close attention to my dreams. Lately, I've been reticent and wise not to move without overthinking. I sleep. My sleep is my high. I can't smoke. I hate drinking. But sleeping takes me into a different world and allows me to see things for what they are .. My dreams show me people and signs and places and I am so powerful that it scares me into depression. Because how can I use all of this power and not fail? 

But I won't let the old voices from my childhood speak to the new voices of my adult-self's confidence. I got this. I got this power and I am using it. I got ancestors and they will never leave me. I got loved one who never judge me. I got peace of mind and I know what it means when I don't: things need to change. Change is God. 

It's March. Spring is here in about a week or so... I had a rough winter. Killed old roots. Planted my seeds late but I still expect to harvest. It's my season. Always is. Always will be. I'm cool as the breeze with what I earn with my honest hands. My mouth don't ask for what I ain't able to work for... New manifestations only arrive when I am ready. I'm ready for the light in me to open new doors but what's behind those doors I need to continue preparing for. 

Read daily even its only a few pages.
Write something even if its just a word. 
Drink water. Lots of it. 
Breathe consciously. 
Give thanks. 
Smile.
Love.


That's my tasks list. Nothing really matters if I don't do those. Nourish myself. Soothe my soul. Keep my mind on new ways to love. Loving is my biggest challenge because my doublemindedness gets in the way. The Voice blocks and cuts off those that do not come correct. Flesh wants to give everyone a chance. Voice goes hard. Voice shows me in the dreams what Flesh cannot see. My Eyes do the talking at night. It's almost like magic. 

When people look at me, they may see a woman of many things. For the public, I wear many masks. There's only a select few that have gone beneath my masks. Those are the few that never judge me. They make me feel safe.

Safety is more important than sanity. I can create when I am insane but I cannot breathe if I don't feel safe. I cannot trust if I don't feel safe. I cannot give if I don't feel safe. 

The most beautiful souls are the ones with the most issues. Beauty is their gift for being burdened with the task of being light makers. Beauty sits deeper than their skin. Beauty gets them attention, compels people to be still enough to listen. Beauty holds their youth. Beauty lies within, even when it's faded, you know she was there. She's still there. Wilted into a statue. Unmovable. 

Beauty is not shallow. She trust no one because she knows the love is based on masks and not the unseen. If Beauty were Ugly, no one would look. No one would listen. No one would care. 

Beauty earned the friendship and sisterhood of Wisdom. She covets Wisdom more than gold. Wisdom is not bossy. Wisdom asks questions and does not answer them at all. Intuition answers. I am learning to listen. 

These are the voices in my head. I've named them because labels make me feel safe.
 
Safety over sanity. 


Comments

  1. Hello Ms. Valencia: HOPE you are doing well. A Sista of mine sent me an article about your work in Baltimore and I had to reach out. My name is Valencia Clay and I'm the founder of a women's empowerment non-profit org called Ladies Inspired To Empower (L.I.T.E). After reading your article from Black Wall Street, I had goose bumps. Our lives growing up is so similar except I went through the shelters, group homes and juvenile institutions. But I never gave up on myself. I graduated HS went to college and earned a BA from John Jay College in Forensic Psy. Now I'm involved in helping women in the shelter hosting self-improvement workshops. We also help children in need with school supplies, toy drives and special events. I went through the toughest times of all but now I have put my energy into helping the community which serves a great purpose. I hope one day to meet or speak with you because everything in life happens for a reason. It's a blessing to even know someone with the same name and went through similar experiences can exist. If you're interested in learning more you can google me Valencia Clay. I'm on fb as well.
    My website is www.linspired2emp.org email is valencia@linspired2emp.org. We also have a business page on fb Ladies Inspired To Empower. It's a happier day knowing another Sista doing great things for her students and the community. God is amazinf! Bless day Sista

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  2. FYI we used to be Women'sINtuit but changed our name to Ladies Inspired To Empower.

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