9:26PM on MLK
Suppressed my anger toward the police officer that killed Jordan Edwards all day. Literally, felt like I was the ONLY person who cared. Like the death of black children by the hands of police is so regular that we don't even think twice about it. Despite the fact that I taught my lesson about it today, I still felt no relief. I am really mad and I took my anger out on one of my elders: the manager at the dollar general. I got pissed off when she asked me for my service dog card because I already showed it to her last time. "Please just hold the dog in your arms ma'am." "Where else am I going to put him?" I could've just said okay but my anger spoke for me. "Well you know some people like to let they dogs walk on the floor in stores." She was so patient with me and all I could say was, "No. I'm not putting him down, it's dirty in here." "Lord, please give me the stength!!" She said as she walked away from me. I walked to get the dog food I went in there for and hurried the heck out. Only to walk home in the dark, beating myself up for being so disrespectful. Beating myself up because another black child is dead and no matter what we do to promote solidarity, the cycle continues. Beating myself for walking up on one of my very first students at 8AM this morning, slanging to the fiends with not even one ounce of denial about it when I asked him what he was doing. What am I doing? What am I teaching for? Who am I? Who are we? What's the point? Tears roll down my face. I'm just so mad. Like not on some cute Solange and Weezy sh't. Like I'm mad enough to quit working because it's not working. That's how I feel. Guess this is my first low in months but this pillow is soothing enough to put me on a journey to the only place that will make everything alright again; that place is called, tomorrow. There's always tomorrow.