Runners




9:45AM

After reading Blood Child, read the Parable of the Sower or Kindred. Octavia Butler is one of my all time favorites. Glad you finally met her. 

You were in my dream last night. This happens a lot but I usually ignore it. It's normal. Just like the way I think of you. I like to peek at your pictures and I read your words in the moments that I miss what we had. 

Whenever I wake up from a dream of you, I smile but that's all. I don't write to you like I used to, like I'm doing now. I don't unblock your number so that I may call you. I know you are where you need to be and I am where I need to be and respectfully we are no longer in the same place for a reason. 

When you come to my dreams, I know it's your soul traveling to visit me. The dreams are usually the same. We are on the run. It's very hasty. Sometimes scary but you are always there and we are always moving to whatever the destination is together. There's always something attempting to separate us but with every dream, we seem to get better at sticking together and blocking the energy of the negative force. 

If I had to guess, I would say that those dreams are a reflection of our current reality. We are both running together but not in the physical. 

We don't need to be physically with one another. We have a soul tie, one that neither one of us can break. I am not in love with you. I don't want to be with you ... But I accept the fact that I cannot change who you will always be in my life. There's no reason to be angry with myself for the truth. There's no serenity in that. 

I can, however, stop myself from checking on you but there's nothing in me that feels upset when I do. I still care and that's not wrong. 

I read your last post just now and saw that you went to the Huntington. It's not the fact that you went there that interests me, it's the way you wrote about it. Your words looked just like mine. We both made a point to note that it's all three of those in one. Why are we still paying attention to the same details? 

I went there and was cleansed by the rain. A cleanse I needed after our break up. It was my last night in LA, during the week of me trying to escape the pain of losing you. That same night, I tore out the pages and burned all of my journal entries, hoping it would remove the pain from my heart. It didn't work in that instance but the movement of space healed me over time.

Nevertheless, I still dream of you now and find you and see you and know you and feel you when I don't ask to. I can't control my dreams. I don't want to. 




Comments

  1. You are the perfect light in my life. Godbless you. I will always love you Valencia.

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  2. This was so beautifully written. I can totally relate.

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