You're Still Here



I'm not going to your funeral today. every morning since I found out, I've woke up with a different beautiful memory of you. I want to hold on to those, not taint them with an image of you any other way. this was my favorite picture of you. I know you'll see this because you always read everything I wrote and you always listened and I'll read our last letter over and over again about how we always loved each other but never ... Never mind. You were the one who gave me "The Fire Next Time" left it on my desk with a sticky note. I blogged it. Just like the poetry we wrote under the moon and when I fell apart you were there and we loved ice cream the same and we loved our pain the same and I couldn't tell you I loved you maybe because you were white or maybe because I knew I would break your heart because you were always so gentle with me and your hands were made for making pizza dough and I climbed on them to break into Show's house when I was locked out and we sat there and I know you are still here watching me write this and I know you're free now but I miss you already and I'm sorry for the days I didn't speak to you because I was mad at you for telling me not to title my event young angry and black because you said I was all about solidarity and it didn't fit with my true outlook on things and you always knew my heart and I wanted you to be wrong but you weren't so I was mad and then you said I did well and I was like whatever because I am petty but I will think of you every time I hear Drake because you had the perfect line for every one of my moods and I won't forget how we danced all night at Corey's wedding actually more talking than dancing about everything because it had been a year since you helped me move out of Bmore. We were hopeless and I miss you already and I'm sorry and who will I share rumi and hafez poems with. I want this to be a lie but I know how much you struggled and fought with the darkness. No one knew my sh't like you. I'm jealous of your freedom. There you go using your privilege to get free before me. That made you laugh I know. Just like I know you'll still guide me to the things I should read and thrift stores and record shops and write poems about the moon with me. I love you always. See you in nature.

Comments

  1. This is a beautiful tribute to him. Thank you for sharing.

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