On Dating and Being a Teacher: Balance

In therapy, I learned, my last relationship didn’t work because I am controlling and I have trust issues out the wazoo. I was also missing my freedom while having a man, and that scared me because I never want to be disloyal but I get bored fast and ...all I am saying is I want someone who gets me—mentally, and keeps up with my constant state of evolution. What peaked my interest when we met wont be the same from week to week, I’m seriously always on to some new idea, and I need a partner with the same level of ambition and intellectual curiosity that I have. 

It’s out there, Ive had men like that but at the same time, I was always so focused on them understanding and supporting me, so stuck in my ways, that I dropped the ball on reciprocating that for them. Im guilty of neglecting others’ needs, to be honest. Not on purpose, just.. you know... the kids/school/speeches/social media/writing/reading/self-healing.. they all form clouds of importance but when I look up, I realize, my love life went from my sun to my darkness and either I leave or the man does. 

So all I will say is (and y’all please, chime in!) be with someone that makes you feel good and makes you laugh and is there when you need them and listens without judging and offers guidance not ultimatums and thinks of you and does little things to show it.

And once you get that— focus on doing the same things for them, or better yet, ask them what they need from you, because they may do what you want them to do but that doesn’t necessarily mean they want the same things you need. Communicate and ask them— don’t ask me, don’t ask your friends/family. Talk to your lover, first, and always, and only.

Your work as a servant leader should not come in between your love life. It’s all about balance and I learned that, the hard way. A person can’t show support for your “drive” if they don’t even feel like you’re supporting their’s. Don’t ask yourself “does he understand my passion” ask yourself “does he show me he loves me, passionately?” Everything else will fall into place because love is all that matters, everything else is an illusion.


  1. Word.....I agree with every ounce of this

  2. Thank you for sharing this.
    I feel this 100%.
    Finding connections that have a similar vibe (intellectual curiosity + feeling restless) is challenging.
    Rooting for you, sis. Love is all around us.

    "Don’t ask yourself “does he understand my passion” ask yourself “does he show me he loves me, passionately?" AMAZING.

    in community,

  3. I feel this. Thank you for putting into words what I never can. Love and admiration from Alaska!


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