Via IG: Biking

To be a teacher with a mental illness is to implement specific daily routines in your life. After I was diagnosed in 2015, I sold my ‘97 vintage droptop BMW and began walking and biking everywhere. Ain’t had a car since and won’t be getting one (until I become a mom) ... why? Because fresh air on my face reassures me that I am alive... sometimes I cry on my walks home... sometimes I listen to the birds on my way to school... and sometimes, when my heels are too high, I Uber and ask the driver to play some classical piano forte... I learned to do this from experience. I had to teach myself what I like... I didn’t know any other black girls who lived in service of others that understood what it was like to wake up some days and not want to leave the house at all because the voices were so loud the night before that she got no sleep. I really thought I was alone. Journals filled with secret ruminations... confused and lost but at the same time, clear and found. Still, I knew no one else who understood what it felt like to utterly die just to be resurrected on a day to day. Therapy helped me to be heard and make sense of things but those dark mornings still remained. I knew friends who hated their jobs but no that was not me, I love my job but some days.... are still one of those days... I had to learn what soothes me: nature, walking, biking, and more than anything— breathing.