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Showing posts from November, 2019

12:26

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Be more explicit when asking questions. Learning that in life.  Must teach students how to do the same and how to understand implicit questions.  People do not always break things down.  How do I teach them what to pay attention to and what to annotate?
Doctoral annotating is hard for me.  Being a teacher and a student is harder.  It makes me feel overwhelmed, all of the time.  And the loss I recently experienced has added on  to my inability to think straight.  Can’t focus as easily as I was able to a month ago when I was finally getting a hold of my procrastination and perfectionism.  For the past 2 weeks I’ve been immensely inattentive and it’s harming me because when I sit off task, daydreaming and ruminating for too long, fear takes over my entire body.
Last night I admitted myself to the ER. Funny how the nurse remembered me from 4 years ago. He asked if I ever finished my PhD and how my family in New York was doing.  
He made me feel safe as I was asked to remove all of my jewelry, my coat…

7:28

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I’m trying to push through. That’s it. Just continuing to fight the urge to quit. 
On my 5th attempt to finish a paper, multiple readings from both classes, etc. I really just want to get in my bed and sleep...no matter how much I lose focus, I’ll try again and keep going...until midnight. 12AM is my cut off time because I am still a teacher and have to have enough energy to give to my school. Thinking about leaving the classroom for the next few years because it’s really hard being a student and teacher. I’m staying, at least to finish this year but everyday I think about how much more I need to be attentive to my students and how much more reading I need to do for my classes. It’s literally guilt. I feel guilty for choosing my education over their’s. I don’t want like this feeling but I really think I will be more effective, doing 1 thing at a time. I have to honor myself by being gentle with how much I stretch myself to work. I still want to be a teacher but I don’t want sacrifice g…

9:31

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I’ve had to start this article over so many times in the last week. I don’t know why I won’t just close it and start a different one. I just keep trying and starting over and trying again and restarting, all over again. 
I may need a different annotation text-code key to help me get through this. It’s not even too complex, it’s just me. I’m not focused. My mind is always on something else ...
I’ve been thinking about my students who read “on grade level” but do not want to annotate their texts. I taught them how to but I realize, I was not explicit enough about why they need to annotate, even if they understand the text. 
Maybe I need to try scaling up. What if I give them super complex text and teach them how to annotate it with a critical eye, in addition to using it for the purpose of answering comprehension questions from the curriculum? Then, have them go back to grade level texts that are less complex, and see how their efficacy and motivation to text code shifts....? I can incorpo…