I’m trying to push through. That’s it. Just continuing to fight the urge to quit.
On my 5th attempt to finish a paper, multiple readings from both classes, etc. I really just want to get in my bed and sleep...no matter how much I lose focus, I’ll try again and keep going...until midnight. 12AM is my cut off time because I am still a teacher and have to have enough energy to give to my school. Thinking about leaving the classroom for the next few years because it’s really hard being a student and teacher. I’m staying, at least to finish this year but everyday I think about how much more I need to be attentive to my students and how much more reading I need to do for my classes. It’s literally guilt. I feel guilty for choosing my education over their’s. I don’t want like this feeling but I really think I will be more effective, doing 1 thing at a time. I have to honor myself by being gentle with how much I stretch myself to work. I still want to be a teacher but I don’t want sacrifice grading papers for writing papers... I am going to keep watching myself. If I do not get better with my work-school balance, I’ll have to take a break from teaching, next year. We shall see.
On a separate note. I implemented Nat Geo tool’s today to teach climate control. The entire class was engaged. I’ll go into details later. My next steps are to have them deep dive the motivation for teen activists to fight for climate control and how this impacts their decisions as teens... I wish I could spend more time on this but I know I am just avoiding my paper because I am afraid of doing it wrong. I don’t know why I am like this... I’ll figure it out. It’s part of the process.
I trust my process.