10:52



I have the need to express but every time I speak, I invite voices into my head. The bigger the message, the louder the voices. How can one’s own voice be a self-disruption to their concentration? My job and my lifestyle require deep, critical thinking. I read, write, and teach all day for about 12-15 hours a day so I need my mind to be clear. Why am I doing this to myself?

This has become one of my self-growth questions and I have been setting time aside to answer it, daily. The more intentional I am, the more clarity and stability I gain. My signs of wellness are days when I have 8 hours of productivity with minimal breaks. I did well, yesterday. I want to continue building a healthy consistency. 

I believe this doctoral journey is leading me, spiritually, to read theories of the mind and multiple voices. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to understand myself, so that I may free myself, from myself. This is the same reason I am researching self-regulatory processes. I need more strategies for myself while learning them for my students...everything I do is with the intention to heal-self before teaching anyone else. I really thought I was healed, if you would have asked me this 2 years ago. But as my mind grows it’s consciousness, I am revealed to aspects of myself that I need to change. 

I affirmed, “my mind is healed,” many years ago. Affirmations are real but action still needs to take place. Even after we have healed ourselves, we must still maintain a mindset and implement routines that allow us to nourish ourselves, consistently. 

I want to keep a log of my daily “mindfulness” time as a strategy to support my consistency in being intentional about understanding my self. I hope that understanding the voices will help me to quiet them when I need to concentrate. I really want to be more productive, despite anything I am experiencing outside of school and work. I want to tell my mind what to do when I want it to. I want my mind to understand, the consistent act of productivity will only produce more productivity. This is a strength worth investing my energy in, creatively and spiritually. 

Telling myself: Two years ago we went into a place of mental stillness. Not saying we stayed too long because we haven’t left that place—I just realized, you are allowing memories and thoughts to take over your vision while remaining still. Refocus the vision. I need to see what is in front of me. You have yoga for stillness, now. I need the rest of the space in my mind for productive-peace. I need to be able to strengthen my confidence in closing the door on unwanted voices that answer me when I speak. My confidence is counting on your eye. 




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